I came to America, and I made good. It's an old story, but it hasn't been told in a long time. Usually, it's, 'I'm an immigrant, I came here and got persecuted.' My story is I came here, I worked hard, and it worked out all right. So it's still available.

I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist.

I love the United States. I have applied for citizenship. I want to take the oath of allegiance on TV.

If you don't vote, you're a moron.

He will know from and early age that failure is not disgrace. It's just a pitch that you missed, and you'd better get ready for the next one. The next one might be the shot heard round the world. My son and I are Americans, we prepare for glory by failing until we don't.

I have a deep and profound mistrust of all politicians.

Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van?