You know, where I come from, an antique, to be called an antique, it has to be at least a hundred years old. That's a law: before you can call something an antique, it has to be a hundred years old. In L.A., something that's been around for a couple of weeks is an antique. It's true! People are like, Look at this old-fashioned iPod. Look at this! It's the size of a man's hand! Ha ha ha ha. Back then-back then, people thought Mel Gibson was just acting crazy. It was a very different time.

What we do have is nothin' but time. Welcome to the Shawshank Redemption of late night!

In Washington, the U.S. House passed a bill unanimously. Every single member of both parties voted for it. What was it? To deny Social Security benefits to Nazis. So from now on, no SS for the SS.

Technically my dog's naked most of the time. Except halloween, when I dress him up as Liza Minelli.

There's something spiritual in hard work. Spirituality isn't all aromatherapy and scented candles.

I don't see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job.

I freely admit I'm confused. I'm a confused and troubled individual but at the same time...Its Free!