Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.

I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.

For a while, some schools across the country were banning spelling bees. For obvious reasons, of course - steroids

I have a beard. Just not on my face.

These days, young people watch TV on smartphones and computers. Young people with an actual TV set are harder to find than a picture of Anthony Weiner with his clothes on.

They say give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. But teach a man to fish and he'll get his own show on the Discovery Channel.