I am the Saudi Arabia of unhappiness. I have so many reserves of misery that you wouldn't understand. I actually think that's part of why I connect with Canadians. I think they understand grinding misery underneath.

Now that healthcare is guaranteed, I'm frying everything I eat. Fried food and cigarettes.

Twas the night before Thanksgiving.

There's going to be a new cable-TV channel for dogs. Dogs don't even watch TV. But the schedule came out today. And they've got great shows, like Barks & Recreation and Game of Bones.

Old people really do have a secret though. You wanna know what it is? Luck.

...slow down and self-edit and ask yourself the three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything: "Does this need to be said?" "Does this need to be said by me?" "Does this need to be said by me now?"

I'm hooked on email. That's right, kids, I'm one of you.