I am the Saudi Arabia of unhappiness. I have so many reserves of misery that you wouldn't understand. I actually think that's part of why I connect with Canadians. I think they understand grinding misery underneath.

Historically, when Americans don't know what to do next, they go to Paris. Benjamin Franklin is like: 'What am I going to do now? I'll go to Paris!'

The idea of having Australians upset at me is just awful.

There is no Thanksgiving back in the old country where I come from. You know why? Because being thankful is a sin.

It's very interesting to know what people are doing while you're working on late-night television.

When in doubt about who's to blame. Blame the English.

I realized women and humor were linked very closely.