The rain is giving much needed relief to California's crops. By that I mean 'marijuana.'

If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I'm out. I'm gone.

Rush Limbaugh says if the health care bill passes, he will leave the country. The Democrats are upset, because if they knew that, they would have passed the bill years ago.

Whoever I had become had to die.

I'm a terrible interviewer. I'm not a journalist - although I have a Peabody Award - and I'm not really a late-night host. What I am is honest.

I don't just like sexual double entendres I love them, I stroke them, I milk them, I spank them when they're naughty.

You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff.