The problem with suicide is that it seems so flamboyant. It's camp. You have to be a bit of a drama queen to ever seriously consider it.

What we do have is nothin' but time. Welcome to the Shawshank Redemption of late night!

I think the scores for Olympic gymnastics are affected by what countries the judge and the gymnast are from. That's wrong. That type of political pandering isn't meant for gymnastic Olympic events. It's meant for the Supreme Court.

Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something.

If you can't trust, you can't be trustworthy.

Twas the night before Thanksgiving.

The White House announced plans to begin normalizing relations with Cuba - this as we're awkwardizing relations with Russia.