I watched the Republican debate. At one point, the candidates said there are no classes in America, a point then hotly debated by all six rich white guys that were there.

According to a new study, Hawaii is the happiest place in America to live. And I thought it was just a great place to pretend you were born in.

It seemed that I performed better sober than drunk. Who knew?

Some people watching CNN were so shocked they started rioting. No, I'm kidding. No one watches CNN.

It takes a long time to become a lawyer because you need three things - a bachelor's degree, a law degree, and a desire to worship Satan.

What we do have is nothin' but time. Welcome to the Shawshank Redemption of late night!

Occasionally, when I lived in London, I would have sex with a girl from an aristocratic family. I always enjoyed doing to them what their ancestors did to my country.