It takes a long time to become a lawyer because you need three things - a bachelor's degree, a law degree, and a desire to worship Satan.

Everything went smoothly at the sailing events today, except for the British team. They forgot to bring limes and they all got scurvy.

People sometimes say to me: "Craig, get out of my garden."

I always appreciated my teachers. When I was 16, I gave them the greatest gift I could think of. I dropped out of school.

A new study says by 2030 household robots will dominate every phase of our lives. The study says the No. 1 field for robot growth is medicine. That makes sense. Robots already perform well in surgery. That is, until there is a power outage. Then it's just a coat rack leaning over you as you bleed to death.

You gotta laugh because if you didn't you'd cry

The 'Star Wars' movie is coming out. Disney has kept the details of the movie under wraps because they're not Sony.