I didn't flee a dictator or swim an ocean to be an American like some do. I just thought long and hard about it.

Technically my dog's naked most of the time. Except halloween, when I dress him up as Liza Minelli.

The White House announced plans to begin normalizing relations with Cuba - this as we're awkwardizing relations with Russia.

Even a chameleon needs the proper amount of suction.

Former president George W. Bush released his new memoir. By the way, 'memoir' is just a fancy word for 'a bunch of stuff that happened to me.

Jeb Bush announced today on the Internet that he may run for president. The next presidential election could be Bush vs. Clinton. It will be like 1992 all over again except I won't be in rehab.

The rain is giving much needed relief to California's crops. By that I mean 'marijuana.'