I didn't flee a dictator or swim an ocean to be an American like some do. I just thought long and hard about it.

People sometimes say to me: "Craig, get out of my garden."

Gas prices - it is $6 a gallon here. People in L.A. are furious. You can't tell, of course, because of the Botox.

I watched the Republican debate. At one point, the candidates said there are no classes in America, a point then hotly debated by all six rich white guys that were there.

Director Oliver Stone says he's going to make a movie about Vladimir Putin. I can't believe anyone would want to work with that insane communist. And Putin is a little crazy as well.

Canada is not the party. Its the apartment above the party.

Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.