By the power of Steven Wright's Beard!

I've been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can't run. That was a revelation.

There is a new bill in the Senate that is upsetting a lot of people. This bill would give the President the power to shut off the Internet. Al Gore is strongly opposed to it. Not because he invented the Internet. Because he did. But because he just signed up for Match.com.

For the first time in history, Congress has 100 women in it. Congratulations. Welcome to modern times, America. It's great having 100 women in Congress. Unless you're in line for the congressional bathroom.

It's a book. It's mine. And it's done.

I do love America. And LA is a very short commute to America its like half an hour on the plane.

Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van?