People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay teeth.

I know the fashion is that everything is fair game [for comedy material] but I don't believe that.

Donald Trump showed his birth certificate to reporters. Who cares about his birth certificate? I want to know if that thing on his head has had its vaccinations.

All they teach you in drama school is how to do stage fights and be a pain in rehearsals.

Great, as long as you're happy

In the past I've been hard on the vegans. I've called them Prius-driving fascists, but now I am one of them. I have been turned to the dark side.

I can't wait to see the debate between Ryan and Joe Biden. Biden is said to be already trying out different strategies. So far the one that Obama likes is where Biden pretends to have food poisoning and they cancel the debate.