Appear tougher or cooler or funnier than you feel and there is a chance you'll make it.

According to a new study, our email is not as safe as we thought. How do they know this? They've been reading my email.

Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something.

Stand by your bed and salute me.

Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde is a metaphor for alcoholism. He drinks a potion, becomes a monster. I know exactly how he feels.

From this moment on I'd dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?

They've found a link between chemicals in shampoo and obesity. If you're eating shampoo, your weight is the least of your concerns.