I have a deep and profound mistrust of all politicians.

Director Oliver Stone says he's going to make a movie about Vladimir Putin. I can't believe anyone would want to work with that insane communist. And Putin is a little crazy as well.

Italian women are some of the most beautiful in the world. This is why the Vatican is in Italy. If a man can walk across Italy and retain his celibacy, he's got what it takes to be a priest - or an interior decorator.

My pilot's license. I'm proud of that.

There's a commercial break coming and I'm very excited about it and you know why? Because that's what keeps daddy in suits.

Tomorrow's just your future yesterday.

Some people watching CNN were so shocked they started rioting. No, I'm kidding. No one watches CNN.