It seemed that I performed better sober than drunk. Who knew?

This is my first week as an American citizen. It's amazing. Now I can vote in the general election - and for American Idol.

Justin Bieber's tour bus was stopped by Canadian border patrol agents. And they found marijuana. The agents said Bieber was a disgrace to Canada and should never come back. Then they found the marijuana.

Sarah Palin has managed to use her failed vice presidential run to put herself in a position of power and influence. Joe Biden won the race and he hasn't been able to put himself in a position of power and influence.

I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I'm a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my commission, I don't care for it.

I love the United States. I have applied for citizenship. I want to take the oath of allegiance on TV.

New iPod. It looks like an iPhone but it can't make phone calls. So its really just an iPhone.