Happy Cinco de Mayo. If you don't know what that means, maybe you're a little out of touch - or maybe you're the governor of Arizona.

The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It's difficult to tell.

Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me.

I have no ambitions beyond being comfortable in what I do for a living - and earning a living.

She still cared for me, and the best way I could make amends to her was to be happy. I do have a knack for finding great women.

That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil.

Jeb Bush announced today on the Internet that he may run for president. The next presidential election could be Bush vs. Clinton. It will be like 1992 all over again except I won't be in rehab.