Look, there is nothing you can say about this show that I don't already know

I don't see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job.

Everything went smoothly at the sailing events today, except for the British team. They forgot to bring limes and they all got scurvy.

The White House announced plans to begin normalizing relations with Cuba - this as we're awkwardizing relations with Russia.

You know, I think there's a good rule of thumb here: Don't take nutritional advice from other species.

People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid.

The virus in the movie 'Contagion' is based on the bird flu which came out of nowhere back in 2008. Everyone thought it was going to change the way we live and it just faded away. Wait a minute, I'm talking about President Obama.