Technically my dog's naked most of the time. Except halloween, when I dress him up as Liza Minelli.

Anyway, if you needed something really dangerous, get a gun. It's easy, it's cheap, and it's the American way.

Oprah's quitting in 2011. Now we know why the Mayans ended their calendar in 2012

I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist.

There's something spiritual in hard work. Spirituality isn't all aromatherapy and scented candles.

I got sober. I stopped killing myself with alcohol. I began to think: 'Wait a minute - if I can stop doing this, what are the possibilities?' And slowly it dawned on me that it was maybe worth the risk.

I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.