Occasionally, when I lived in London, I would have sex with a girl from an aristocratic family. I always enjoyed doing to them what their ancestors did to my country.

Everything went smoothly at the sailing events today, except for the British team. They forgot to bring limes and they all got scurvy.

Self help books are pointless. Here's something for you... Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and self help books are from Uranus.

There's a commercial break coming and I'm very excited about it and you know why? Because that's what keeps daddy in suits.

I aim to please. I'm nothing if not a vaudevillian.

Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their clients, knowing that as long as the conflicts remain unresolved the revenue stream will keep flowing.

In some countries Women's Day is a national holiday and men give women flowers. In America Women's Day falls on another holiday, Mardi Gras, where men give women beads in the respectful and post-feminist desire to see their naked boobies.