Occasionally, when I lived in London, I would have sex with a girl from an aristocratic family. I always enjoyed doing to them what their ancestors did to my country.

New iPod. It looks like an iPhone but it can't make phone calls. So its really just an iPhone.

If you're frightened of leprechauns, the best thing to do is to get yourself a little leprechaun outfit and see how big they are. And then you'll go, 'Well I see. That's like bein' frightened of a hampster.'

If you absolutely believe that what you do is right, you're bullet-proof.

I've been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can't run. That was a revelation.

A woman in Germany gave birth to a 13 1/2 pound baby. That baby was so fat his first word was strudel.

It's tricky turning a book into a movie. Sometimes people love the book so much that no adaptation lives up to what they imagined. You can avoid that disappointment by never, ever reading books.