The idea of having Australians upset at me is just awful.

Some people watching CNN were so shocked they started rioting. No, I'm kidding. No one watches CNN.

From 1934 to 1963, the biggest criminals in America ended up on Alcatraz. Nowadays they end up on Wall Street.

You gotta laugh because if you didn't you'd cry

It turns out that speeding irresponsibly in a large truck, placing personal wealth ahead of the welfare of others, is one of the greatest sins in the Universe.

Sometimes they would just pay me to stay home and not do anything else, which sounds fantastic but doesn't do much for your ego. Its probably a little like getting alimony - the money is nice but has a nasty aftertaste.

The Universe is very, very big.