According to a new study, our email is not as safe as we thought. How do they know this? They've been reading my email.

I've been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can't run. That was a revelation.

What we do have is nothin' but time. Welcome to the Shawshank Redemption of late night!

I am the Saudi Arabia of unhappiness. I have so many reserves of misery that you wouldn't understand. I actually think that's part of why I connect with Canadians. I think they understand grinding misery underneath.

In Washington, the U.S. House passed a bill unanimously. Every single member of both parties voted for it. What was it? To deny Social Security benefits to Nazis. So from now on, no SS for the SS.

That's why I believe in a Constitution which separates church from state. I've seen what happens when they get in cahoots.

I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, 'Well, you're supposed to. Everyone feels awkward at parties.' It's an appropriate feeling to feel.