I think I'll be Scottish in every movie I write. They always try to talk me out of it, but Woody Allen is always a nebbish New Yorker. Why shouldn't I be a goofy Glaswegian?

I do love America. And LA is a very short commute to America its like half an hour on the plane.

I view my own body as a petting zoo. I am the main attraction... And the only customer.

These days, young people watch TV on smartphones and computers. Young people with an actual TV set are harder to find than a picture of Anthony Weiner with his clothes on.

Jeb Bush announced today on the Internet that he may run for president. The next presidential election could be Bush vs. Clinton. It will be like 1992 all over again except I won't be in rehab.

I had lived in fear of the fabled terrifying visions that assail chronic drinkers, but which had not yet attacked me.

I'm always a bit shy around evil people.