Pies were invented 12,000 years ago by the Egyptians. It was an easy way to preserve food that would be carried over long distances. They were like ancient Slim Jims.

If Scotland and America go to war, I'm afraid I've already sworn in.

I am probably a pseudo-intellectual.

I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.

Even though it's warm here in L.A., people still have to wear layers - at least until their plastic surgery heals.

Wikipedia celebrates its 12th birthday today. Of course, I have no idea if it's true. I read it on Wikipedia.

Tomorrow's just your future yesterday.