When you need to borrow money the Mob seems like a better deal I think. 'You don't pay me back I break both yer legs.' Is that all? You won't take my house or wreck my credit rating? Fine where do I sign. Legs? Fine. You don't even have to sign anything.

People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning.

The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, and whatever Mel Gibson is driving through.

I am probably a pseudo-intellectual.

Donald Trump showed his birth certificate to reporters. Who cares about his birth certificate? I want to know if that thing on his head has had its vaccinations.

I don't know much about the Supreme Court. If it's anything like the Supreme Taco, it's like a regular court, but with extra sour cream.

When in doubt about who's to blame. Blame the English.