President Obama announced his re-election campaign, though it’s not really a surprise. He did all the things that make it official: He filed the paperwork, redesigned his website, and printed another fake birth certificate.

I wanted to be a rock star.

Sometimes they would just pay me to stay home and not do anything else, which sounds fantastic but doesn't do much for your ego. Its probably a little like getting alimony - the money is nice but has a nasty aftertaste.

Another one of President Barack Obama's nominees is having tax issues, which proves one thing: The Democrats like raising the taxes, but they hate paying them.

I don't just like sexual double entendres I love them, I stroke them, I milk them, I spank them when they're naughty.

I do love America. And LA is a very short commute to America its like half an hour on the plane.

Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with!