Saddam Hussein is about to face trial and George Bush wants to execute him. Not because of the war crimes, but because Saddam is beating him in the polls.

President Bush is not fazed by other candidates' war records. He said, I may have not fought in Vietnam, but I created one.

Maria Shriver is credited with helping Arnold win by standing by him despite allegations of groping. She had to stand by him cause Arnold had a vice grip on her left ass cheek.

Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoir has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that in the end, you, too, will want to sleep with an intern.

Today Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge lowered the terror alert from orange to yellow. Does anybody need 16 miles of duct tape?

Clinton said he feels safe in Harlem. It's the only place in the state Hillary is scared to look for him after dark.

Bryant Gumbel is thrilled about his CBS deal and can't wait to start alienating the staff of an entirely new network.