While many comics have a secret persona, I fundamentally want to be myself.

My Obama is getting pretty good ... I think I'll vote for whoever makes my portrayal easier. It takes time to put together a comic impression. It takes time to recognize the tics. Right now, for instance, I could do a dead- on Paul Ryan and people wouldn't recognize it. Personalities take a while to sin.

I have this dream life where I get to be a celebrity but I get to kind of navigate the world fairly easily because I'm always in character.

I think free speech is probably the coolest thing we have in this country, and again, you can label it hate speech and dismiss it, and then you're allowed to censor it.

You know ladies and gentlemen, a long time ago , there were lots of people, but that was a long time ago

I have a theory that if you're famous more years than you're not famous, then you get a little nutty.

A mom and dad found an S&M magazine under their 10-year-old son's bed, and the dad said, 'Well, we sure can't spank him.'