You know ladies and gentlemen, a long time ago , there were lots of people, but that was a long time ago

I have this dream life where I get to be a celebrity but I get to kind of navigate the world fairly easily because I'm always in character.

I'm a friend of the CEO of Twitter and he showed me how to be on it, but it causes such an uproar if what you post is perceived in a negative light.

Am I not turtley enough for the Turtle Club? Turtle! Turtle!

You know, Elizabeth Taylor must be in Heaven going, 'Alright, fire two honey!'

I think free speech is probably the coolest thing we have in this country, and again, you can label it hate speech and dismiss it, and then you're allowed to censor it.

I used to sneak up to the 8th floor and watch Eddie Murphy and Joe Piscopo rehearsing 'Saturday Night Live' and could only wonder if I would ever have the chance to be funny. It took me five years to go up the two stories, but it is such a sense of fulfillment to be able to show what I can do on national television.