In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.

Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.

Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.

You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.

Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else.

I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.

It's nice to live in a country that has its priorities straight: the library's open three hours a week, and the House of Fist is 24/7.