In an effort to look cool, I am going to stop shouting Hey, you! at airplanes.
Today I saw a guy who looked like me in a funhouse mirror. He looked at me like, Hey, that's how I look reflected in the pond!
I was born an emotional tampon in a cauldron of dysfunction.
When I found out that coffins are padded, I stopped fearing death.
Love is like pancreatitis; it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
Why do old people drive with their mouths open?