Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.

Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?

Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.

I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.

Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.

Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.

This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.