If I masturbate while Googling myself, which part is more redundant?

I can't wait for the day I learn to live in the now!

I used to pessimistically think I was going to die alone, but now I optimistically know I'm going to die hoping to meet someone.

I like to think of murder-suicide as extreme multitasking.

One phrase you don't want kicking off your obituary is, Never, in the long history of bungee jumping.

It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.

Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.