If I masturbate while Googling myself, which part is more redundant?

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.

Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.

Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.

The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.

In a world of war, pain and suffering, all I want for Christmas is an underwater watch and a silver clutch rod for my dirt bike.