Even if I say, Everyone in the village died of diarrhea, I still laugh a little after diarrhea.

I've grown tired of resting on my laurels and have decided to start resting on my failures.

My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.

When homeless people go camping, how do they know?

Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.

Because of Bluetooth headsets, it's getting more and more difficult to tell who's schizophrenic and who's on a conference call.

The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.