I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!

Because of Bluetooth headsets, it's getting more and more difficult to tell who's schizophrenic and who's on a conference call.

In a world of war, pain and suffering, all I want for Christmas is an underwater watch and a silver clutch rod for my dirt bike.

Having sex with a dead grammar teacher is a violation of past tense usage.

As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.