I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!

I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.

When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.

A giant python was discovered in Florida. Spooky news for a state that derives half it's income from a giant mouse.

I tried synchronized swimming, but felt, over time, I was just going through the motions.

If Jesus was a baby, there was a point, on that Holiest of nights, in that Holiest of mangers, where he made a big, Holy load.

If you gave a bag of potato chips to the guy who invented Pringles, he'd look at you like you were trying to hand him an abortion.