I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!

I grew up in a town called Hopedale, Massachusetts. I was born there in 1964, and the only thing I hate outside of myself is everything else.

The best part of living in constant terror is you always have a place to live.

Always think twice before asking anything of anyone that ends in the words, on your face.

I tried synchronized swimming, but felt, over time, I was just going through the motions.

Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?

Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same; they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.