If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.

Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.

I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.

Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?

My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.

I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.

Have you ever had a gay friend lose weight and you can't decide if it's good news or not? Hey you look... great?