Having kids means there's always someone around to blame your fart on.
If I masturbate while Googling myself, which part is more redundant?
One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
Every time I fold the baby's clothes I feel like a giant that got a housekeeping job with a nice family.
The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.