Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.

You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.

I feel very uncomfortable when I eat in restaurants. I'm obnoxiously polite with the waiters: 'I just want a tuna sandwich. I'll go get it. You sit here - I'll get it, I'll make it.

When you break life down, it's about 100% time management.

I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.