The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.

The hole on the face of an acoustic guitar is called the sound hole. The one of the face of its player is called the sincerity hole.

I try to look on the bright side, but it really hurts my eyes.

Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.

As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.

Despite a primitive brain, the octopus possesses an intricate system that helps it decide which tentacle to masturbate with.

I was born an emotional tampon in a cauldron of dysfunction.