If anything, I believe that when I die, I will have to stand in front of all the children who went to bed hungry while I was on earth and read aloud a list of my eBay purchases. I shudder to think of it. Explaining to a poor child with a swollen belly why I didn't give his village fifty cents a week but spent twenty-seven dollars in a bidding war for a Mars Attacks coffee cup.
Dana GouldThe more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
Dana GouldTo really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
Dana GouldIf Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
Dana Gould