Listening to Evanescence makes me want to break up with a girl in real time as a giant antique hourglass falls to the floor in slow motion.

That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.

I'm fine, I am just going to go over here and puke shards of my own pelvis into this bush.

I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.

When you see somebody walking down the street wearing a Superman t-shirt, you just want to shoot them in the chest ... when they start to bleed go, I guess not

Every great thing starts with an idea, followed by a doubt and finally a resolve to abandon or pursue. Victory is a treacherous journey.

I was home educated but would skip my lessons to go hang out at school.