You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you.

When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.

I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.

Someone needs to make a zombie movie where when you get bit it turns you into a singing and dancing extraordinaire.

A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it's your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!

When you get hit by a car sometimes your shoes will fly off, sometimes your pants will come off, but I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion.

When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or my mayor. I say, 'What would Miss U.S.A. have to say about this?'