Hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like to be outside past the lips.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

You have to have a strong sense of humor to date me, and also know that you're probably going to be a part of the routine quite a bit.

I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!

You know your girls up to no good when her and her friends make a pact to post nothing on Instagram.

Every great thing starts with an idea, followed by a doubt and finally a resolve to abandon or pursue. Victory is a treacherous journey.

I'm in a new club, by the way. And I don't know if you're first timers like I am, but I'm in the 'I Just Dropped My Cell Phone In My Own Piss' Club. Have you done that? Yeah, good times. I'm on the phone and I forget that I'm using shoulder technique. Urinals were taken so I went in to use the regular john. And as I'm standing there, mid-conversation, I'm like 'Are you serious?' and it just started to toboggan right down my powerful chest.