I would love to have acidy spit.

Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it.

My grandmother died of natural causes. Or as my family calls it murdered by the lord.

This is a dream come true. HBO is the highest echelon in the world for a stand-up comedian to attain. Throughout my career I've trusted my instincts to lead me down the right path, and I am honored to work together with this network while contributing to the legacy that is HBO.

I have faith in all mankind. Well,not faith really, more like hopeful suspicion. And not "all" but 5 people. Mankind meaning computers.

I like fearless characters, people just not afraid to do anything it takes to make people laugh.

Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."