Time machine... wouldn't you like to travel through time? I would. I'd go back... mess with people. You know what I would do? I would go back to when my mom and dad were having sex, to have me. Ya'know, come in, spank my dad on the ass I'm your son from the future! Ahaha!
Dane CookWhat am I supposed to say to an atheist when he sneezes, ah, when you die nothing happens.
Dane CookI never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it's with an elderly person holding a baby.
Dane CookVideo games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling.
Dane Cook