I want to be able to challenge myself. And do things that are away from what I usually do. Stand-up is safe for me. I can do stand-up in front of twenty-five thousand people, and I'm like, "I know how to do this. This is what I do." I want to be a little scared.

I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the police station.

I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

A lot of comics are kind of vampire types; we do our shows and disappear into the night. My philosophy was, this is like politics, and if I want people to know about my campaign, I'm going to go out there and shake hands.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.