You know you're lazy when you run out of toilet paper and use the cardboard roll to wipe with.

There's estrogen running through my veins!

I'm sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing staffs of a late night show.

Video games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling.

There will be a guy in a yellow poncho, his name is Hank, he will take you to the whopper lair.

You can't become tempted if you just give in a little quicker.

Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single & lonely then it's called Laundry Day.