I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.
My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.
I'm not racist, I've got a black president.
When you delete pictures of your ex off your phone, it feels lighter.
Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.
Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.