True love is when you're cheating on a person but the thought of them still makes your eyes smile!

Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes.

I had one job that was kind of cop-like. One summer I did security at a miniature golf course. Just standing out in the sun all day, Hey, hey, excuse me sir. Get your putter out of the whale's ass. Come on, this is a place of miniature business. This is not a playground even though it looks like a playground.

True love is when you're cheating on a person but the thought of them still makes your eyes smile!

Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you've got.

Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."

You can't teach an old hater new truths.