True love is when you're cheating on a person but the thought of them still makes your eyes smile!

I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.

It really drives me banana sangwich.

I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.

If a kid is really interested in wanting to have a career in aviation, he's actually learning and getting some of the [basics], not even just fringe. There are things in here that movie [Planes] about like the pulp of an engine, and it's the actual engine, the actual parts and pieces. So I felt like I got schooled as well. I learned a lot just being in there and doing that.

I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.

Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.