I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.

I had never done a roast, but I really wanted to, because it's so different from standup.

You've gotta share what's going on in your mind.

You must accept responsibility for your actions. This doesn't include reactions, interactions or transactions if you're thinkin' loophole.

I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and learning.

When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.