When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.

I don't like littering and I think it leads to terrorist activities.

You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.

We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits.

If you're 1 of the 3 girls in pics with a greaseball whose arms are around you at a club you lose at life. If you're the greaseball you win.

Start each day out the holy way..with Christ Chex, it's a miracle in a bowl. Just open the box and you hear AHHHHH....and then a lil' angel flies out and says 'good morning, life is beautiful!'.

I feel like people who don't brag are trying to make you jealous by thinking they're hiding something more even exciting.