Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.

If you lie to a person at least tell someone else you've lied to the truth. It balances out your karma.

Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.

I don't get any anxiety. I don't because of two reasons. Number one, just breaking through it as a kid and finally getting past it was like okay, nothing's ever going to feel that scary again as that deafening silence of a joke not working. Any joke not working is not as bad as not being able to even try and get on stage.

Some people have constipation of the brain but their mouth has the runs.

I did stand-up comedy for seventeen years. I need to explore other things.

When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love.