I got home from work today and took like a one hundred hour nap. No you did not. You'd be very sick if you were taking one hundred hour naps. That's a coma! If you said you took a coma after work I'd be able to follow the story.

I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.

I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.

When you get hit by a car sometimes your shoes will fly off, sometimes your pants will come off, but I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion.

You have to have a strong sense of humor to date me, and also know that you're probably going to be a part of the routine quite a bit.

You can't become tempted if you just give in a little quicker.

After you have loss in your life and after you experience something like losing your parents, the greatest gift of that was it prepared me for [anything]. Nothing else is as scary, and certainly stand-up comedy is not as scary as sitting there with your mom and having to have last conversations and things like that. It's heavy stuff, but it's enlightening because it makes me think I shouldn't be afraid of sharing ideas and thoughts with people. It's the yin and the yang of life.