When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like, 'What do I do ... I don't really ... ha-huh ...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!

I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.

When someone's running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life at the duty free shop.

I'm glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere.

Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.

I don't have to do anything for anyone else's benefit anymore. I just want to exceed my own expectations.

I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and learning.